Child conversation

Tips for a good conversation

Children find it important that you as a professional show genuine interest, listen to them and consider their opinion. How do you act and what questions do you ask?

One first impression

Children scan you in a few seconds. A first impression can only be made once. If you are feeling bad about something else, tell that openly and honestly. The child can separate that from the “scan” that he/she has made. It is important for the child to get the feeling that he or she matters. For example, say: “Wow, I am impressed by the way you tell your story. This helps me enormously to be able to help you (and your parents)!”.

Practical tips for a conversation with children

• Genuinely find the conversation with this child worthwhile!
• Talk to the child separately. You can talk to an abused or neglected child about his or her problems from a very young age.
• Talk to a child in a room where you cannot be constantly disturbed or where everyone can see inside. Try to sit diagonally next to the child, so that the child does not have to look at you all the time. It is terribly tense to tell something bad to someone you don’t know (so well) and then to have to look at them.
• At the start of the conversation, indicate that you will ask all kinds of questions, but that you do not know the answer. If the child does not know something, then he or she can say so. You also want the child to correct you if you say something wrong and that he or she tells you if they do not understand something of what you say.
• Be open and relaxed in your attitude, do not ask too many questions in a row, give the child the opportunity to think about how and what he or she wants to tell.
• Ask open questions, or respond with “what happened then, or what did you think then, what did you think of it”. Try to avoid emotional questions. It can then come very close to a child. In addition, children often do not know how they felt at such a moment, they often try not to feel anything.
• As a professional, remain yourself, a human being: do not become a walking protocol or a professional on autopilot. Never treat a child as a ‘case’, as a ‘matter’ or as a ‘client/patient’. Children can sense perfectly whether they are dealing with an adult who really wants to be there for them or not.
• Be honest and sincere, indicate if you do not know something or if you feel shy about the situation.
• Give the child a fair chance to tell his story, leave your (dis)loyalty feelings about the parents aside. The child may disqualify parents, you may not. Make a distinction between person and behavior.
• Do not violate a child’s trust. Do not do anything without letting the child know what you are going to do. Make decisions with the child, inform the child, involve the child.

Important in a good conversation

• Be genuinely interested in the child.
• Take the child seriously.
• Let the child think along with you about decisions.
• Explain the process.
• Stay in contact, even if there is no problem.

Examples of genuine interest

• ‘When I look at you, I get the impression that you are feeling a lot of stress, is that right? What is stressing you out?’
• ‘How was your day today?’
• ‘You said that things are going better at home/you are feeling better. I am happy for you!’
• ‘I know/see that you are in a difficult situation, I feel very sorry for you’
• Give a compliment about a drawing/a new pair of pants/a talent/something else.

Content Acknowledgment:
This content has been provided by Augeo (www.augeo.nl) and is used on this website with their permission. The text has been translated and adapted with approval from the original source.